A Warri Boy’s Letter To President Jonathan On The ASUU Strike

Below is a Warri boy's letter to President
Jonathan on the ASUU Strike. It is in pidgin
English so get ready for some laugh
although the writer makes some good
points. Anyway, we'll let you be the judge.

Oga Presido
First of all I hail ooo! I no say u no dey
cary last. You be confirm ijaw pikin. As
dat ur middle name 'Ebele' mean 'mercy'
so make u pity ur children settle their
lecturers naa!
The matter neva tire u? Suppose say ur
pikin wey u born for belle follow us dey
house, shey you for never answer we
lecturers them? Una say make we bone
kidnapping, militant things and all the
bad bad things dem go enter school, now
na una com dey f**k up. All the things
wε̲γ we lecturers don teash us for klass
we don forget finish. Last last, na una go
still call us "half-baked", "half-roasted",
abi na "half-fried". Na una sabi!
Dem talk say person no fit run pass him
shadow. We dey hea dey watch you. Na
ur time be dis use am well, but we go
jam for 2015. U don forget say youths na
we dey vote pass abi? Na we sef dey
snatch ballot box, dey do rally and som
kain kukere things dem wey una dey take
win election. U go still nid our help o.
That time we sef go go strike. Shebi u
sabi waka witout shoe, u go carry ur leg
do ur rally. No thug for u. We no go
snatch ballot make you for win. If any
maga try am we go fall hin hand.
So bro Jona, na ur opportunity be dis o
make u code this stubborn ASUU pipu
make dem cary their wahala enta class.
We no say na rush them go begin rush us
but we no send. All join. Na who get leg
dey kuku pass exam no be who read. Na
still who get leg dey get beta work. Na
Naija we dey. So make u do something
because our mate dem for private
university don graj finish. We don tire to
dey beef them. If u no shake bodi fast
make u no forget say university of
militancy still dey admit dey neva even
release 2nd batch ooo!
Abeg try grit maale Patience well well (i
thank baba Godee say she and gran papa
Soyinka don settle that their quarrel),
greet all those bad belle advisers wey u
get too, God pass them! Uncle Amaechi
still dey Niger-delta here o, hin don tire
for ur mata. I dey grit u for am too.
I go stop for here. E go be na.
Naija student for life!
Na ur waffi boy.