"Escape from wilderness" A must read from Charly Boy

A piece from Charly Boy. Please read...
Does anyone know how I really feel right
now? So alone and empty, God! how I
feel the pain. If you're in the wilderness
like me, then you know it can be insane.
Here my eyes are bleeding tears and my
smiles are protecting my fears. I can't
even go around and fake happy, because
I’m in stagnation and it is hitting me
from all direction. There is this
disturbing feeling that time is passing me
by, yet I’m paralyzed, I can't move and I
can't think too far. At nights I can't sleep
too easy, my heart is sore and my mind
perpetually clustered with things that
leave me shaking. Oh God! Why? I have
prayed, I have fasted but nothing has
changed, and it's almost a year now. My
dreams are nothing but nightmares of all
the negatives in this wilderness. What's
happening to me? Look at me, I have
always enjoyed comforting and giving
directions to people in pain, right now I
can't even save myself and I have
refused to take my own pills.
Na so life be? On top of all of this, I’m so
f.....king broke it’s a shame. No! It's not just
that I’m low in cash, but most importantly, it
is about being in this state of helplessness,
I’m not too proud to ask anyone for favour,
but who will believe I need financial help
when they have put me on such a high
pedestal. Wow, is this a case of Grace to
Grass? Who would guess I’m dying slowly
when all they can see is my biceps and
triceps. I have always been the joy giver, I
have put smiles on millions of faces and have
inspired and motivated an army of youths, yet
I can’t seem to talk myself out of this rot, out
of this wilderness, hummmmm!! Why won't
this feeling of hopelessness leave me alone, I
know I can do more than I’m doing for now, I
know I deserve more. Too many times I have
asked God, why me, why do I have to go
through this wilderness. I am hardworking,
forward looking, positive thinking, so why do
I have to suffer like this. Is it the system or is
it me, what the heck is this dark cloud that
has come over me. I no longer look forward
to or getting out of my bed,
because a new day comes without hope.
Nothing seems to make sense anymore;
nothing around me inspires me again. I feel
like I’m vegetating, I feel as if I I’m glued to
this limbo, with no hope of an escape. Now
I’m hugging myself, not sharing myself with
my loved ones because I am suddenly taking
out my frustrations on the people around me.
Oh! Lord I must take control of my life; again,
I must escape from this wilderness.
Does this sound a bit or a lot like your story
right now? Are you in that dark place in your
life, where everything more or less seems to
be grinding to a halt and you don't know what
to do? Well it happens to the best of us. I
have learnt that in all things, one should give
thanks. Most of the time we are not entirely
grateful for what we possess, because we
always believe that we need more than we
have right now. If this is the case, we will
continue to need more. This circle will
perpetuate as long as our mind believes it’s
true. If we focus on what we have and not
what we lack, we will always have enough,
because it will always be enough. Yes it is
hard to stay cool when things are not sitting
right the way we would like in our lives. We
are the one who loses in the end, if we lose
the lesson. Shey you dey feel my yarn? In this
wilderness I have learnt that a rich man is not
someone who has the most, but someone who
needs the least. Yesooooooo!!!!! I’m sharing
all this with you so I can feel lighter. We will
always have problems, often tested by
circumstances outside our control, but we
certainly can control our reaction to those
situations.
We have the power because our inner world
(cause) affects the influence we allow the
outer world (effect) to have on us. Being in
the wilderness is always a result of anxiety
about the uncertain future. So stop and ask
yourself. "What's the specific uncertainty that
is causing me to be afraid" once you have
identified that uncertainty, it is usually easier
to simply accept its presence in your life, just
for the time being. I know that life is about
the journey and not the arrival. We don't
need to arrive if we accept that we are
already there. Not everyone woke up this
morning and not everyone is going to bed
tonight. Life has no guarantees; every minute
we are living is a blessing that has to be
experienced in the moment. It's not always
easy, but it's always an option a choice. Your
choice.